a-beautiful-life | Designing 31

she needed to change [pt1]

she needed to change [pt1]

This is a guest post from my hubby…. about “us”… and needing change.

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Almost 12 years ago, I asked this girl I knew to go to a Valentine’s Banquet with me.

I was so nervous when I asked her, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It was a Godly decision. Little did I know how much that would change my life.

The Valentine’s Banquet was a very fun time even though, once again, I was so nervous I almost puked.

Almost 6 months after that day, we were engaged to be married. I knew this was the woman that God would have me marry.

Although I am sure she had flaws at this point in her life, I looked beyond them and saw what God wanted me to see in her. I am sure she would say the same thing about me as well.

Ten months after we were engaged was our wedding day. Most of our engagement period we were separated from each other by quite a distance. I used to love to speak to her on the phone and get to know her more and more as THE day approached. I was very busy with work, finishing up college, and the ministry I was involved in.

Most days seemed to fly by, and I could feel the bond with the one I loved grow stronger and stronger. What a truly wonderful feeling that was.

In June of ’03 we were finally reunited and married. What a wonderful day that was. I still remember much of that day as if it were yesterday. Seven PM finally arrived, and we were married. We zoomed away in our vehicle to start our life together.

The next day we left for our 1 week honeymoon, and although the actually honeymoon lasted only one week, this honeymoon period lasted for several months. Truly this woman was special, a joy to be around, and a gift of God.

Then guess what? As we lived together day by day, and even worked together each day, my angel I had married began to have flaws I had never really seen before. This “perfect woman” I had found was changing right before my eyes. I knew I could not go back and get a refund, but what was I to do? kiss

I struggled with this for a while. Not that I wanted to divorce, but how could I get through to her to make her see she had “changed.” During this time I reminded myself that she was after all 7 years younger than I, thus 7 years less mature. I tried to remember back to when I was that age and tried to see things through HER eyes.

To make matters worse, she was expecting also. Her hormones were, well, just going crazy; and morning sickness was really getting the best of her. A few times, I will be honest, I just wanted to tell her to “suck it up” and “get on with life.” But I bit my tongue and just “endured the hardship” God had given me.

I would read in my Bible about how a Christian should act and then see how my wife was not measuring up to this. I looked at her at times and just prayed to God, “please God, change her.”

{come back tomorrow to see just how God DID change me}

{part 2}

This is a guest post from my hubby…. about “us”… and needing change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost 12 years ago, I asked this girl I knew to go to a Valentine’s Banquet with me.

I was so nervous when I asked her, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It was a Godly decision. Little did I know how much that would change my life.

The Valentine’s Banquet was a very fun time even though, once again, I was so nervous I almost puked.

Almost 6 months after that day, we were engaged to be married. I knew this was the woman that God would have me marry.

Although I am sure she had flaws at this point in her life, I looked beyond them and saw what God wanted me to see in her. I am sure she would say the same thing about me as well.

Ten months after we were engaged was our wedding day. Most of our engagement period we were separated from each other by quite a distance. I used to love to speak to her on the phone and get to know her more and more as THE day approached. I was very busy with work, finishing up college, and the ministry I was involved in.

Most days seemed to fly by, and I could feel the bond with the one I loved grow stronger and stronger. What a truly wonderful feeling that was.

In June of ’03 we were finally reunited and married. What a wonderful day that was. I still remember much of that day as if it were yesterday. Seven PM finally arrived, and we were married. We zoomed away in our vehicle to start our life together.

The next day we left for our 1 week honeymoon, and although the actually honeymoon lasted only one week, this honeymoon period lasted for several months. Truly this woman was special, a joy to be around, and a gift of God.

Then guess what? As we lived together day by day, and even worked together each day, my angel I had married began to have flaws I had never really seen before. This “perfect woman” I had found was changing right before my eyes. I knew I could not go back and get a refund, but what was I to do? kiss

I struggled with this for a while. Not that I wanted to divorce, but how could I get through to her to make her see she had “changed.” During this time I reminded myself that she was after all 7 years younger than I, thus 7 years less mature. I tried to remember back to when I was that age and tried to see things through HER eyes.

To make matters worse, she was expecting also. Her hormones were, well, just going crazy; and morning sickness was really getting the best of her. A few times, I will be honest, I just wanted to tell her to “suck it up” and “get on with life.” But I bit my tongue and just “endured the hardship” God had given me.

I would read in my Bible about how a Christian should act and then see how my wife was not measuring up to this. I looked at her at times and just prayed to God, “please God, change her.”

{come back tomorrow to see just how God DID change me}

{part 2}

practically perfect in every way

by tascha | 2 comments

poppinsilhouette I can see how some visitors may not like me “endorsing” a movie. There really are very few worth watching out there. And even this one causes some reservations as my children ask if she is real or if it all pretend-every.time.we.watch.it. And then there is the whole suffrage movement.

But I so enjoy the character of Mary Poppins. My children also love her. Personally, I wish she were real; [smiles] and I wish I were just like her {snapping my fingers to clean up the toys?!}.

Of course, perfection and tea parties on the ceiling and popping into chalk pictures are just fairy-tales -beautiful whimsy and imagination.

But there are a few things we can learn from her approach to children and life.

1. children’s wants and desires are not to be dismissed out of hand just because they are children.

2. children need and WANT their father’s [and mother’s!] time and affection.

several years ago!

several years ago!

3. children need play in equal proportion to learning, and sometimes the two go hand-in-hand.

4. while the occasional babysitter is necessary for the survival of a marriage, children do not need a nanny. They need their parents, specifically-time with their parents! [and I won’t go any further than that!].

And while I will never be a Mary Poppins, I can take these lessons and apply them to my responsibility as a mother.

I must be intentional about taking time to listen to my children-their concerns, their stories, the reason for their squabbles, the way others treat them, what their dreams are, etc.

I must take the initiative to be sure each child has time with me regularly. In a loving manner, I must nurture time with their daddy.

Even amid chores and the eventual homework that comes with growing up, I must take the time to remember they are still children. If home and school become only about work, they may come to resent being in either place. Life is full of adventure. And sometimes I need to remind myself of that!

As often as our personal schedules allow, I should make arrangements for the children to be cared for by someone else for a brief time so as to foster a loving relationship between myself and my husband. Because whether I like it or not, our marriage will be the one they most likely model their own marriages after one day. I need to be sure I am seeking the Lord in being an example of a loving, Godly wife {no matter my faults as a housekeeper-lol}.

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soul rest {day 9}

Do you know when your children just really need some extra rest?
The fussiness, crankiness, general irritability–that just screams at you, “Please put me in my bed and let my body rest!”

sad face

yep, that’s a pouty face…

Some days, my spirit is like that. The children’s fussiness grates on my nerves; the mess that accompanies 6 people in a small space… clothing, toys, school papers, mis-matched socks, lost cups [found days later], remnants of “teachable moments” {let’s see how well you can put your own clothing away. hehe}, etc.; and then they all want to eat-3 times a day… all work together to make my soul weary. And yet, I am not to be weary in well-doing.
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

Galatians 6:7-9.

And I realize that…I am trying to do good… in my own strength {again}.

{I am reaping weakness… because I am sowing in my own strength}

And I must lay down my burdens with the Lord and let Him take over!

Come unto me…and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me… ye shall find rest unto your souls.

Matthew 11:28,29

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the trust of babes

by tascha | 1 comment

If you are a momma or have ever been close to small children, you will recognize what I am talking about here.

{not my kitchen sink! but isn’t that tile pretty?}

I stand still. My hands are immersed in that sudsy, warm water known to all women… at the kitchen sink. {smiles} My mind wanders a million miles away-to time past or our children’s future…. or just a few feet away to thoughts of my honey.

And then I feel it, the little fingers tugging at my skirt {and my heart strings!} while little legs struggle to stand. This miniature body leans full force into me. He knows I will not let him fall {at least not too hard, yet}. He trusts me.

I sit. I bend my body all the way down to the floor. They need mommy to be accessible. Sometimes all at once, but usually one by one, little bodies come to me, wanting arms to wrap around. The baby pushes through on hands and knees still. He grabs whatever he can reach and uses my strength to help him stand, again. His body lunges for me. He trusts my love.

taken over a year ago!

This trust, all my children showed it as babies. This all-consuming confidence is how I must trust God my Father to care for my day-to-day. He DOES care, even for the nitty gritty!

I must rest knowing that He will catch me should I fall when struggling to stand. He never moves. [Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8], so He is always right where I need Him to be when I need Strength.

I must trust, rest as securely as my child using me to learn to stand, in His love for me.

And so should you… because His love for you is the same!

I am not enough

by tascha | 1 comment

I am not enough

As a new mother I was also a young wife (which many new mothers are) and thus I was learning so much in such a short time.

Or, at least I NEEDED to be learning. But I was not. I was barely surviving.

Looking back, I can see this. At the time I thought there was just something seriously wrong with me. I felt as though I was not a good enough person to be a mom. (um, who IS?) and I was not really prepared to be a wife (again, who is?).

Life is a learning process…an adventure in discovery.

And I have discovered that life is messy.

Children can be annoying.

Husbands can be frustrating.

Friends can turn on you.

And this journey, this adventure we call living is not fair.

But that’s OK! If life were fair, we would all have to clean up our own mess (as nice as that sounds, then no one could give you a break!)

and if life were fair, there would be no salvation.

and if life were fair, there would be no Helper, no Peace-giver for us to call Father.

So, I am not enough. This I have learned thoroughly!

but He IS enough.

His help is my potential.

His peace is my strength.

Lean on the Savior, the One Who loves you more than any other. And, while your clothing will still not put itself away and the sink will still pile with dishes and your children will still squabble and need your attention… your heart [and home] will be full of peace [though not necessarily quiet or complete order]. Your life will be filled with the calm and strength and resolve that cannot come from your own will-power.

Your world may fall apart daily, but you will not.

As a new mother I was also a young wife (which many new mothers are) and thus I was learning so much in such a short time.

Or, at least I NEEDED to be learning. But I was not. I was barely surviving.

Looking back, I can see this. At the time I thought there was just something seriously wrong with me. I felt as though I was not a good enough person to be a mom. (um, who IS?) and I was not really prepared to be a wife (again, who is?).

Life is a learning process…an adventure in discovery.

And I have discovered that life is messy.

Children can be annoying.

Husbands can be frustrating.

Friends can turn on you.

And this journey, this adventure we call living is not fair.

But that’s OK! If life were fair, we would all have to clean up our own mess (as nice as that sounds, then no one could give you a break!)

and if life were fair, there would be no salvation.

and if life were fair, there would be no Helper, no Peace-giver for us to call Father.

So, I am not enough. This I have learned thoroughly!

but He IS enough.

His help is my potential.

His peace is my strength.

Lean on the Savior, the One Who loves you more than any other. And, while your clothing will still not put itself away and the sink will still pile with dishes and your children will still squabble and need your attention… your heart [and home] will be full of peace [though not necessarily quiet or complete order]. Your life will be filled with the calm and strength and resolve that cannot come from your own will-power.

Your world may fall apart daily, but you will not.

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the best way to love our children

I missed my scheduled posting time last week. But the children and I had great fun visiting my grandparents, whom I have not seen since my oldest child was a few months old! It was so wonderful for them to meet the other 3! It was a rather spur-of-the-moment trip, so I had time to schedule any posts.

my grandparents, my children & myself

I have long heard it proclaimed to men: “The best way to love your children is to love their mommy. and let them KNOW you love their mommy!”

This obvious affection creates stability that children so desperately need.

This idea is rooted in Biblical truths, but for today I am simply relating personal experience.

And I am going to tip the tables and say it backwards: “The best way for ME [mommy] to love my children is to love their daddy. and let them KNOW it!”

I must be INTENTIONAL about my love for him.

I have come to notice that the more I devote my time, attention and even Bible study & prayer to simply loving my husband in the way he feels love [his love language], the nicer I am to my children when they are whiny and the more joy comes to me when doing the mundane–laundry, dishes, etc.

Happy Mommy = Happy home.

So, my goal is to commit my mind to pleasing my children’s father; and whether or not the clothing actually gets put away, our home will be a happier place! [but I’m working on getting the laundry put away!!]

I pray these thoughts are encouraging to someone today!

being part of:

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being MY husband’s wife

by tascha | 2 comments

There are so many posts out there that talk about being a wife the way God intended. There are a few posts about that on this blog.

But today I am going to tell you a few things I have personally learned about being the wife my husband praises {wow! that sounds boastful, but his praises are how I know I have done something right! so I am going to share what that has been recently}.

**And just because my husband has noticed these things does NOT mean I can give them up as “accomplished”! I still struggle with these -and so much more- every. single. day.**

1. being intentionally “beautiful” for him- dressing more for his eyes.

{I know that might sound like I think I’m pretty, but really, I just mean that what he enjoys about my wardrobe has become more of my focus when I dress & shop}

When I keep my hubby’s likes in the forefront of my thoughts when dressing for the day, I find there are a few items of clothing that really need to go! And when I allow it to influence what I buy, I feel better about spending a few dollars on my wardrobe. I also find that I feel more feminine knowing that there is a man out there that appreciates the way I look { 🙂 }.

**Have you ever asked your husband what clothing he likes on you? or just taken note of his expressive reaction to your outfit?

2. making our supper daily- and usually it is edible. { 🙂 }

I try to make note of the meals he eats quickly and those he gives me some “direction” on… and take the direction as a gentle reminder that I am not the only one eating the food I prepare! While I do try to make our food as nutritionally healthy as possible, sometimes I just try to make something I know he thinks is YUMMY! because HE is my #1!

**Do you let your husband occasionally criticize your food with an open mind {and heart!}? It’s not easy sometimes, but it can show him your love.

3. allowing God to work in my heart.

{if he can notice it, it must not be my imagination that God is working, and He has shown me some ugly things about myself recently}

When I ask and then allow God to show me that ugliness called SELF in my heart and then also allow Him to work a change in my life, it makes me a more pleasant person {just trust me on that if you have never experienced it}. And living with a woman who has a pleasant disposition is at least part of EVERY man’s dream! { 🙂 } Yes, it IS hard sometimes.

It is painful to know… sometimes agonizing to admit… that I am wrong– that things I have thought and acted on were just not right, not Godly, not Christlike.
But when I have allowed God to work, and I have humbly told my husband that I know this or that was wrong and will you please forgive me, there is such a freedom that comes. And usually he turns right around and tells me that he realizes it was not all my fault.

** When you have conflict with your husband, do you ever honestly asked God to reveal your own fault in the situation? and then talked humbly and openly with your husband about it?

How do you intentionally show your husband he is your #1? I’d love to read it in the comments!

I pray these thoughts are encouraging to someone today!

being part of:

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Happy Valentine’s Day

by tascha | 4 comments

My Dear Sweet Man,

~ us ~ 2012 ~

I thank God for you. I am blessed to awake in the same home as you and know that you are there. I know your love is there and that your forgiveness has been just as constant as your love.

Thank you for going to work each day. Thank you for coming home, too. usually in time for supper {smiles}. Thank you for wanting to spend time with your family above others. Thank you for loving our children with discipline and instruction as well as hugs and kisses and tickles. Thank you for all you do to ensure that our family stays together and that we serve God together, too.

You are truly the best thing that ever happened in my life apart from accepting Christ. I pray the Lord allows us many more years together [or simply comes back!!]

…Grow old with me. the best is yet to be!!!

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